The other day, I came across a great post by Leo Widrich of Buffer about ambition. He included a quote by a Buddhist monk that jumped out at me, “become intimate with the things that make you uncomfortable”. I didn’t have to ask myself what made me uncomfortable, I already knew. I’m 28 years old, a single Mom and just recently went through a break-up with a man I thought I was going to marry. In light of my break-up, I feel like a layer has been pulled back and a youthful curiosity is sprouting up in me.
What makes me uncomfortable? Not being someone’s girlfriend. I like it and most of all I’m good at it.
Looking back, I’ve gone from monogamist relationship to monogamist relationship like monkey bars on a play structure. There have been long periods of single-ness, but in those years of being alone, I used the time to be introspective and “work on myself”. I rarely went out with friends, even though I lived in bustling New York City, where everything and everyone was happening. I’m not sure why I didn’t take more advantage of the NYC night life or my youthfulness, but I have an inkling it had something to do with fear.
In 2010 I took on the largest responsibility of my life. I became a Mom. I knew that I was going to be doing it without the help of the father, but the force was so strong to have my son, that no matter how scary it looked, I knew what I was going to do. I was 23 when I made that choice and the moment I did that, everything began to change.There have been so many out-of-this-world, amazing things about being Blaise’s Mom, more than I can name or count. I would never change the decision that I made, but that doesn’t discount the fact that it hasn’t been easy. While I watched my friends and siblings travel, go out to concerts, bars, events and parties, I was at home wiping butts and working long hours to pay for childcare. That’s been my reality for the past four years.
Now, almost five years later and single for the first time in quite a while, I feel like I’m getting a second chance at re-living my early twenties. My son is getting a little older and can do more things on his own. We’ve been so blessed to be able to live in the epicenter of a thriving city and as I look out my window to the busy streets of Downtown Denver, I feel my heart race. “There is so much to do! So much to see! So many new friends to meet! Adventures waiting to be had!”
I’m ready to get intimate with what makes me uncomfortable.
I’m ready to get out, meet people and just HAVE FUN. So, I’ve decided to challenge myself to what I’m calling “30 Night’s Out”. I’m committing to go out one night a week for 30 weeks. It may sound silly to some of you, some of you maybe not, but it’s a big undertaking for me and I’m super excited to see what happens! Why not have fun with it and write about my experiences?
What about you? What makes you uncomfortable? I’d love to hear from you! If you have any ideas about what to see and do in Denver, let me know! I’m up for anything…well, almost anything.