“There are two realities to which you must cling. First, God has promised that you will receive the love you have been searching for. And second, God is faithful to that promise.”
-Henri J.M. Nouwen
For the longest time, maybe forever, I thought that people were supposed to create a home or a place for me. I didn’t feel like this earth had room for me or that God knew what to do with me. I lived with the belief that I would have to be invited in to something in order to belong somewhere. This made me a very anxious, agitated, resentful and sometimes angry person.
Over the years I have been “adopted” into many homes and families and have even created my own family, but still have this deep and very real sense of feeling misplaced and unwanted.
I thought maybe by being a mother and creating a home for someone else, that I could finally feel a sense of security and restfulness. But this is not so. I’m sure for those of you who have entered into a relationship, marriage or other semi-permanent agreement know what I am talking about.
We tend to do these things. We tend to fantasize about the future and what it will do for us or create for us, or how it will change our lives. These things are not bad things. However, I’m realizing that I must come home. And home does not appear because of someone else, or because it’s Christmas, or even because we have a tangible house to live in. Home happens when we walk into a deeper understanding of ourselves. Home is wholeness. It is the realization that God’s love is enough and that we are enough.